It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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