Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
