either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need a beard to bite.
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