My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
