who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
