Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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