I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What drink are we having for lunch?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
