TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize