i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
