I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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