He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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