I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
