it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
