In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
