I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize