Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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