i don't like sucking hair
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
