i just wanna soil my oats bro
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
