Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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