so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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