the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
