I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
