What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
