I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
