"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
