i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
