And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
