sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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