I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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