On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
