I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
