Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
