omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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