I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize