Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
