Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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