finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
