I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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