Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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