You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Can I color on your dick again?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
