Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
