he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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