She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
