Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
