and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
