I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
