Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
