the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
