i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize