i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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