I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize