they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
