the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
