I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
