4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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