hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
