Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
