I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
