i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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