I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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