I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Randomize
