his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
