What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
