she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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