Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
