new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
