I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sext me about skeletons
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
