Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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