i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
