my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
