Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
